Gordon
Age 39. Straight. Male.
Age 15
My First Puppy Love
After 2 years of dating her, she was visited by her cousin, who instantly became a problem. Playing footsie with me and flirting with me right in front of her. Let’s just say it didn’t end well.
Age 17
The One That Got Away
We fought, we cried, we loved, we thrived, but after one particularly bad fight, I sent her the lyrics to a Limp Bizkit song, and I guess it was pretty harsh because after that, it was over.
Age 18
Shamrocks and Shenanigans
It was a jazz school trip to Cleveland. I saw a dream girl in the hotel. She was from Pennsylvania, also on a school trip. Ended up hooking up. Eventually, I would find out she was the niece of a famous UFC and WWE fighter. She visited me for a summer, and when it was over, so were we. It would just be too hard to make it work at that tender age.
Age 20
Work Party Romance
I had a bit too much to drink, and what I thought was gonna be a sneeze ended up being a puke. Somehow, she thought it was adorable, and we had a nice time for a year or so.
Age 22
The friend's older sister
After years of crushing on my friend’s older sister, I was surprised to discover she fancied me too. What started as a pillow fight turned into much more. Also, that was the end of that friendship.
Age 23
Shroomy Dooby Doo
My first time trying shrooms, I got lost on campus. I decided to just sit in place and hope someone would save me. Thankfully, the most beautiful angel did! She brought me back to her place and tucked me in. This turned into months of pretty great sex, until her fiancé came to visit. I was as surprised as you are!
Age 25
Mallrats
After months of fawning over the girl at the jeans store, I finally got the nerve to ask her out. She said yes! I was so excited until she was dragged past me by the police for owning an illegal firearm. So...the date's off? I'm still waiting for her to text me back.
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